I'm gonna be happy goddammit!
by Hermitaf
Summary: What would you do if you woke up in one of your not so favourite shows? Would you go with the flow or shake everything up? Follow Alex our OC as she tries to live her life away from the crazy. Pairings to be decided.
1. Chapter 1

Ok confession time, I was always the cynic. You know that one friend who when something good happens is always waiting for the other shoe to drop? The kind that was unable to relax _ever_ because they were stressing out like crazy?

Yeah, that friend was me.

Long story short I was a sarcastic,negative control freak, we got that? Ok.

So Imagine my dismay at this motherfucking situation.

As an atheist I imagined my counciousness just ceasing to exist after my death, so imagine my supise when I woke up (yeah WOKE UP AFTER DYING DAFQ?!) by getting smacked on the ass and being unable to see.

How did I die? Not telling~~

… Nosy buggers…it's not yet the time in the story…yes yes I know very meta…moving on.

It took me a while to figure out that I was a GODDAMN baby.I hated rugrats and I now was one .

What. The. Fuck.

I'll spare you the nappy changing and the cooing and the breastfeeding ,oh hell the breastfeeding…good for your child, nope traumatizing more like, even though nobody spared me…you're welcome.

When I could finally see and move my first sight was my parents and sibligs …blonde was my first thought.

-Sook come your little sis is awake! _She is such a cute child I hope she looks nothing like her mother._

Yelled the man.

Sook? What kind of retarded name was Sook? I had a pet hamster once and I named him Prometheus come on I wouldn't name my hamster something as undignified as ,,Sook" was that even a word? A bouncy blond rugrat of undeterminable age (shut up all kids look the same to me) bounced up and smiled at me…

-Jason you come here too young man ! _She looks so adorable._

Wait a motherfucking minute,he couldn't have yelled the other part,one the woman who I thought was my mother was right there and she didn't smack him or show any indication she had heard him and two his lips after saying awake were **shut.**

Like sealed shut so unless the motherfucker (motherfucker…hehehe) was a ventriloquist I don't see how…oh..OH…OH HELL NO!

Sook,Jason,blonde people, hearing shit nobody said, being reborn…suddenly the niggling feeling at the back of my brain disappeared…this was not happening I have read way too many fanfiction of this happening it is retarded and I refuse…plus True Blood? Really? I hated the show, hated Sookie and Jason and everyone except for like three people but they all end up liking Sookie the swine and nope nope nope…

The show was stupid too and I didn't watch most of it …fucking Bill and his constant SOOKEH SOOKEH like bruh shut ur whore mouth…

Well thanks to fanfiction I know the important shit but there is no way in hell I'm going to do what those OC's did no way no how nuhuh .

I will not stay in Bon Wherethefuckever and be a _waitress_ , nothing wrong with waitressing but I finished college and I …oh...oh fuuuck I had to go to school all over again nuuuuu! I literally just finished!

Ok, first things first no breaking down 'till I've got everything set up ( shut up I'm a control freak so what?) and I have to finish school and move out asap…until I do I am living with... oh fuuck meee. And dafuq did that asshat farie father mine mean?...OH fuck…he didn't? Did he?

 _…_ _Shit her eyes are gray just like her mother …shit well…we'll just have to be the nice relatives who took her in from my brother…yes genius…wait my wife knows I don't have a brother…AHA glamour her!_

HE DID! Cheating assho…wait faries can not only read minds and have bullshit glowy powers and stupid I'm-a-snack-eat-me blood but they can glamour people too? What? Sookeh never had that power as far as I know but her mother is a human and her,our father is 1/4 fairy so her blood is more diluted…and didn't she develop her juju later on? Shit can she hear me ok…

 _Sookeh I am Lord Sauron stuck in this infant body release me so I can wreak havoc on the world become my minion hahahahah…_

….aaand….nothing…not even a twitch…maybe think harder?

 ** _I shall feast upon your flesh!_**

…nada

 ** _SANTA ISN'T REAL!_**

…nope

 ** _Ur an fggt…the cake is a lie…U HAVE A GIANT SPIDER ON YOUR HEAD!_**

…ok so either she hasn't developed yet or she can't hear me…also how can I hear people?Can I ?

 _…_ _she has grey eyes?…_

 _…_ _the gossip!…wait the remote…did I leave that thing in the couch?...wait that's not the problem! …_

 _…_ _we can play and braid each others hair and…_

 _…_ _ugly…I'm bored can I leave yet?...wonder where the remote is…_

My eyebrow twitched…ok I hear their thoughts…dad is an idiot, I'll have to avoid Sookeh and Jerkson is a rude ass bitch, like boi u ugly too…jackass…oh well just you wait Jassie pooh when you get hooked on V and you get trash dumped on you and you have the boner of death and my father cheated …now can I read minds this early because I have an adult brain orr I have more faery blood because he cheated with a woman with some faery blood?….I guess we shall see.

Now to learn how to control this mind reading thing…no need to listen in on Jerkson when he hit puberty, no siree.

…I'm gonna have to learn to meditate or some shit aren't I ? Ghhhhhhhhhhhhhh Screw you karma screw you…with a pointy stick.


	2. Chapter 2

I ***18 years later***

I Alex Stackhouse am finally free!~~~

It's my birthday today and I'm moving out, sayonara suckers!

Goodbye Jerkson your manwhore ways shan't be missed, goodbye Sookie your nosiness,screechy voice, cow eyes, idiocy and goody two shoes way will NOT be missed, goodbye Bon Bum Fuck Nowhere you will not be recalled with nostalgia, Auf Wiedersehen The General Idiotic Populace you and your ignorant little thoughts will forever stay in my worst memories, bye Adele whom I am still waiting to sing Rolling in the deep…I guess I'll miss your enabling …a little…shut up.

Ahem.

So my ,,adopted parents" died in a flood because some water faries decided they were to retarded to live when I was two.

Do not judge me, I had my parental figures before coming into this world and those two were frankly idiots,Mommy dearest was like a copy pasted Sookie and dad,well, he was a moron…only good for his looks that one…kinda like Sookie…I am detecting a pattern here.

How are you moving out at age 18 you may ask quite stupidly, HAH I am a child prodigy I reply smugly…shut up... I can hear you judging me…literally…

The rundown went like this Alex is not to be called Alexandra _ever_ ,she is a very smart child who skipped quite a few grades and finished college at 15, then she went to work making her own publishing company that flourished and brought her enough money to move out and then some,by the time she was 17 her company was very established and she had opened a few stores, now she is moving to Shelverport to her new house , and she is speaking in third person because second puberty may or may not have left her a smidge unhinged.

Stop judging! The period cramps! The tits growing again! The paiiiinnnnnn!The hormones…oh fuck the hormones..

Let me tell you it really _really_ blows when you not only have to deal with your own crazy hormones but also the hormones of every other teenager in the vicinity.

You think this is funny? You think this is a **game**?!

And the anime and literature was behind!

Update on the whole Sookeh situation, no she can't her my thoughts, yes I (painstakingly) learned how to meditate, yes it helped me block shit out, yes I still couldn't stand her and no I didn't tell her I could do the same thing she did.

Do I look insane? She would blurt it out, or tell Billy-pooh…ew…I did not need that shit.

I had been quite the recluse in my past life and quite the homebody and though my recluse tendencies have not changed and have indeed gotten stronger (it's one thing to think people are annoying dumbass wastes of air it's another thing to **know** it) my homebody tendencies have left the building.

I had played it pretty safe in my old life and I had died young so I never got to do a lot of things…things I am now going to do, now that I am moving out and financially well off.

To be honest the first 18 years of my life felt like a purgatory…or a MMORPG, constant grinding and waiting…now was the time to live and be free!

Well for a little while…until the whole vampire shit happens…then I'd be in deep shit unless I :

a) was badass enough to protect myself

b) had someone powerful to do it for me

because lets face it faery blood was a sweet drug to the vamps and I had no intention of being a snack/slave.

I had worked on the offensive spectre of my abilities and I had found out some interesting shit.

Apparently my blood wasn't as diluted as Sookeh's and I was her opposite.

She was a being with honey hair and skin who loved the sun and had later developed an ability to use light as a weapon.

I on the other hand was pale had black hair hated the sun and the heat (yes living in Bon-fuck-you was horrid) was a general night owl and developed an obsession with moonlight and cold places…(and let me tell you Adele was _not_ amused when she found me in the fridge).

So my theory was that she was Seelie and I was Unseelie…so logically I would have a power that was in the Unseelie spectrum.

I experimented a little (a lot) and found that I had the power to somewhat control shadows (which I was psyched at! Everything had a shadow ergo I could go Shikamaru on everyone that annoyed me and at night hehehehemwahahaha) and had an ice affinity (I was always chill).

That was awesome as all fuck but I got some quirks…like not being able to see in the sun without good shades, having pointy teeth (cool), my skin burning easily (I always smelled of sun screen and had taken to lugging around a parasol …laugh it up) and a fucking temper like woah (I already had a temper but this added the extra bloodthirsty oomph)

A-hem (I pause as every HP fan cringes)

So yeah I founded Red Velvet (hehehe) publishing company and the Red Velvet bookshop/coffee shop chain (what? I may think its blasphemy to have books so close to such liquids but people are slaves to caffeine and convenience and I like money…i'm not greedy I just…ok a little greedy) that are both unique and majorly successful.

So far my master plan has been unfolding awesomely, I was making bank, I was moving away from all the bullshit that is to come and I was finally going to be able to be alone~~

Able to do all the things I wished, like sit at my home where it is safe and dark like the hermit I am running my company , reading, writing and taking long baths in peace…maybe even get a cat…ah bliss~~

I'd also finally be free of Sookeh (she was jelly I made more bank sitting on my ass when she had to work hers off…haha stay in school kids) Jerkson (who probably collects STDs like people collect postmarks) and All hail Jesus Adelle.

So yeah screened people to work in my establishments , learned to hack (I had free time damn it …and was good at it) got a place and was now leaving~

Some part of me wanted to stay and save Adele from Renold…no….it's Rene but she was showing Jesus down my throat and honestly I didn't care….I know how heartless blah blgh blub.

A part of me also wanted to save Eric from Sookies magical fairy vagina ( Pam thank you for that one) and her gap teeth but…you can't just mess with someones feels plus what could _I_ do?


	3. Chapter 3

I was in my secret lair (* _cough_ *house* _cough_ *) trying to do yoga when it happened.

It being my retarded sister calling me to inform me of the oh so wonderful gentlemanly and dead man she ,,saved" .

So it begins.

I had tried to keep away from Sookie and hopefuly away from all the vampire bullshit her life was about to become but apparently it was not to be…not. I was _not_ going down without a fight!As if I'd just give up my sweet life of no unnesscessary exertion!

I had been specifically rude and as distant as possible from my family (it wasn't that hard trust me) just to avoid the shit show Sookie was about to be caught up in and I'll be damned if I didn't give my very best to stay away from the situation.

But nooo _Alex we're familly_ and _don't be a grump I know you don't mean that_ like I think I know better than you what I mean Gaptooth.

Anyway I was in **the zone** on my James Bond Villain Chair in the middle of writing up a new chapter with hot milk tea on the table and Teapot, my lovely cat in my lap snorring when _it_ happened.

The phone rang and I shit you not I knew it was a sighn of my impending doom (no I was not being dramatic) because I always unplug the thing when I'm working and my cell is strictly for the use of apps (and temple run)…the shrill annoying ringing continiued as I weighed options between them loosing interest and me loosing my hearing.

With a sigh I dislodged a now grumpy Teapot and went to pick it up.

-What?

I said not so sweetly into the reciever

- _oh Alex I don't know what to do she was murdered and tthey're blaming J-_

…well ….fuck...Teapot was attacking my toes again ...fricking psycho...

 _-…-nd Bill's taking me to Fangtasia and I just know you'll come and help me,you live close by right?_

I did but that didn't mean shit….well fuck again shitballs shes gonna come over wether I want to or not and I don't want to invite her or her Evil Dead Corpsey Boyfriend inside.

-Fine GT I'll meet you in front of the club.

- _Than-_ click

With that I hung up.

I needed to get out of my comfy gigantic size hoodie and pyjama pants and one of my cushy shoes(that looked like monster feet because anyone who doesn't want those is absolutely crazy)to get into something ,,clubby"….well dingleberries I owned like zero ,,sexy" clothes…whatever I'd just wear my regular shit _I am_ a paying customer after all.

One baggy hoodie, torn jeans and combats (my precioussss) later I was in front of the gaudy bar.

…

Where were Southern Ken and Barbie?

I swear _to shit_ if they're making out right now…I pulled out my Tic tacs and crushed them between my teeth as was a nervous habit, the sound of crunching calmed me slightly and wow ok that was them I'd know Gts busted up pice of crap anywhere.

She and Mr. Congeniality exited the…erm car (To the Shitmobile!)and she started obnoxiosly waving at me making a beeline towards me with Happy following her like a puppy….an undead puppy.

I supressed the urge to cringe and hideas I raised an arm slightly in greeting.

-Yo Broody, GT.

-Alexandra you stop using that nickname right now young lady!

Oh damn her and her whiny voice…I was so fucked

A smirk graced my features

-What? You _are_ a Goody Twoshoes and he _is_ more broody than Batman!

That didn't mean,however that I'd go down without a fight.


	4. Chapter 4

Noooooo!I yell inwardly as my character misses the glowy chest of mystery…it took me 10000 meters…down the drain…a lone tear slides down my face as I think of all that wasted potential and I slam right into a wall…fuck.

I look up from my temple run and try and get the flipping wifi signal…there is none…are these people savages? I know they're bloodthirsty evil undead puppy kickers but come on! Have some common decency…I wonder if they even have a website…probably not…arrogant, lazy old-as-balls cretins.

That train of thought derailed as I listened to GT's socially retarded questions to the constipated looking bartender Long Fang or something equally ridiculous…look I'm not paid to pay attention to the secondary characters…in fact I'm not payed at all, and I should be!

Note to Self: ,,Buy something nice to self as a fucking present for being so fucking nice and not leaving like I wanted to"

How I longed, _LONGED!_ To go back to my cozy home and not be on Happy and GT's not date…like it was so sickening…the cringey not-flirting-but-lol-totally-flirting, the kicked cow expressions ugh!...it was like watching a trainwreck …why can't people just say it when they like someones face?...honestly…not like I knew much about it…all my crushes being 2D and all…but still, it'd be way less complicated.

-ic he's the oldest thing in this bar.

Happy said in a sulkier than usual tone…

I didn't zone out I swear…ok…a little…but the music was bad, the people were awful, the company sucked and there was _no_ wifi!

And duh she'd notice him he was literally on a throne, under a spotlight on a stage!How do you not notice him?!

But Alex you didn't notice him, you may say, I was busy complaining so it doesn't count…plus I kinda knew he'd be there so…

-'ve been summoned.

Fuck it happened again!

GT and Happy stood up to go to the wifi-less egomaniac (he owns a fucking _throne_ )and I naturally stayed in my seat because I had or wanted absolutely nothing to do with this, so naturally fate had to throw me a lit bomb in the form of my moronic half sibling turning around and opening her abnormally large mouth

-Alex come on you're with us,we're going!

Noooo! Say it louder why don't you I don't think they heard you on the moon!I quickly stood up and slouched over to them not wanting to risk the fog horn that is Sookie and her voice again.

As we approached the (fucking) throne I noticed something…Vane Bastard had a really pretty face…so naturally I did the thing that I always do and blurted

-You have a really pretty face,I want it.

. .Face.

A/N This is a short chapter posted as a thank you for my first reviewer Mo-Freakin ,thank you for reading :3


	5. Chapter 5

The night started off like any other.

Disgusting human filth eyeing her as she did her job…boring human after boring human gave her their I.D as she checked their ages…but it was this or being stared at at the stage and at least here she could be as intimidating as she wanted with no repercussions.

Well…well well if that wasn't Compton and... oh hello.

A pretty one…dressed as vampire bait…never mind must not have a lot going on upstairs not that that meant they couldn't have fun~…must sneak this one pass Er- at that moment the smell hit her .

A candy shop the blonde dressed in a church dress smelled like a bleeding candy shop…Her fangs snapped out to say hello…dammit.

She had just finished getting her face to normal when the other smell hit her…cold…it smelled like cold energy…so clean it stood out among the _always_ filthy smelling humans .

Her eyes landed on a figure behind Compton slouching as it looked into a phone.

Short and also dressed inappropriately for a club in ratty jeans and a hoodie, Pam felt a stab of jealousy…she wanted to wear her comfy clothes dammit…although her comfy clothes were much more stylish…

She carded the humans as she made small talk with Compton…that stick in the ass mainstreaming?Yeah right and Eric was a virgin…

She raised an eyebrow at the same last name of the two humans, them looking completely opposite one another and in no way related…Close in age too.

Her eyes scanned both of them again one was tall, tan and blonde the other was almost vampire pale, short and had black hair…to be honest she'd eat them both.

Yes she leered at them again in the vault they looked like fun.

 ***I'm just a time skip nobody loves me~***

 _-You have a really pretty face,I want it._

She looked at the small human, _Alexandra_ her vault helpfully supplied, as her eyes widened in what looked to be realization and her hands came up to her mouth as if to stop the words that were already out…

Suppressing her glee at Eric's stunned face she ran her tongue along her teeth…oh yes…this is going to be…Fun.

 **A/N Hello, I updated twice in the same day (I know I too was shocked) although this was a small interlude of Pam's POV as we see the world from the eyes of someone who isn't as distracted as do you think? Did I get her completely out of character? Should I do more other people's POV or should I just stick to Alex?Sorry this was short but I don't know if I like how I've written this chapter or not yet…I want to thank Cari1973 for their review and their interest in the story ^^**


	6. Chapter 6

I lifted one foot decked out in purple monster claws and crossed it over the other one as I was once again on my James Bond Villain Chair, I took another sip of cranberry tea…

A sigh escaped my mouth as I acknowledged the fact that not even tea could help me now, and almost everything is solved by copious tea drinking.I snuggled into my fuzzy bathrobe as my mind took me back to earlier that evening.

I wanted to kick myself just remembering what shall henceforth be named as ,,The Incident".

Did I just say I wanted Erdicks face? Ok stunned facial expressions from GT and Miss Priss an amused look from the Mean one (I love her,really it takes time and effort to be that mean) and a slightly taken aback look on Erdick….welp….at least I can say I shocked a fucking old ass vampire…

…ghhhh that was so embarrassing fuckkk! Why must his pretty features exist?! Seriously people (vampires…whatever) that pretty shouldn't exist outside of 2D! He has got to be breaking some kind of universe law right?Right?

It couldn't just be that he belongs to the vampire species,hell Billy boy was a vampire and he was utterly tragically unattractive even if we take his sparkling personality out of the occasion…so what was it?

An amused sounding voice (that was just as pretty as the rest of him goddammit) broke me out of my thoughts.

-What an interesting human you are,they aren't usually that direct…hmm and you do smell interesting, did you come here just to tell me that? Because this might be the most interesting proposition I've heard in years.

What. The. Shit?

Me? Proposition ? That …that…

-You archaic wifi-less asshole I wasn't propositioning you! I was just saying your stupidly attractive face has nothing to do here in the 3D! So shut up you aren't even that cool-

-Alex you -

My retarded half sibling opened her stupid mouth so I rectified the situation.

-Shut up GT!

-Now see here I'm older an-

-I said shut your-

-Ahem.

Well. Crap. Fuck I forgot I'm pissing off a vampire who,albeit not as cool as vampires should be could still kill me….should I worry? Uhm no…I already died once no dickish wonder will silence me,!

-What are you Umbridge Pretty?

I snapped.

Hmmm Erdick or Pretty ? I mean he _is_ pretty…but such a dick…hmmm

-What?

-From HP? You know:yer a lizard Harry?

-A lizard?Never mind cease your babble what are you doing in my bar?

-I'm-

Bowlhead cut in.

-Mainstreaming I heard Compton, I see that's been going…Well

He scanned GT and me.

-Yes of course , Eric this is-

-Sookie Stackhouse.

He said leering at GT .Sigh, and another one bites the dust to GT…well that was expected….disappointing but expected…

I zoned out as the introduction was continued, although I did hear GT fucking up,how did you know? Oh idk GT maybe just maybe she read your ID?

I watched as Gt tried to leave…stupid like they would let you now that you caught their attention.

-So Bill are you attached to your friend

-She is mine.

Wow Billy boy has some problems.

-Yes I am his.

And so does GT…Really belonging to a man in this day and age…strike that belonging to Miss Personality ever…shudder

-What about the other one?

Mr Hair said looking at me.

-She is mine as-

Oh hell naw I'm putting a stop to this bullshit right here.

-Fuck I'd ever belong to Miss Congeniality over there.

A smirk appeared.

-Really?How …interesting…


	7. Chapter 7

You know those memes that go: it was in that moment she knew she fucked up?

Yeah that was my life at the moment, why was I interesting? I didn't want to be interesting I wanted to be boring and safe and not vampire food thank you.

But I couldn't very well let Miss Priss think he owns me now could I?

The answer to that is an emphatic no way in hell.

-but the man in the hat is!

Goddammit GT!I leave you alone for three seconds and you already blab your secrets to every damn vamp in this bar! Do you need a damned blow horn? How did that girl even survive this long anyway?

Time to do damage control.

I grabbed GT over the mouth and looked at the man in question

-Now now sibling mine just because a man wears an FBI hat doesn't mean he is FBI. Kinda like you could wear a Genius hat and you still wouldn't be one.

I turned to Pretty and Pam.

-So sorry about her she was dropped on the head as a child, actually she was probably dropped several times-

GT licked me and I had to remove my hand.

-I ain't crazy Alex he was thinkin' it!

…seriously how _did_ this dunce survive?! Idiot I'm obviously trying to save your dumb ass…

I did the only thing I could do in that situation I face judging me like you wouldn't do the same thing at that crowning moment of idiocy.

As I was doing that however the police were starting to break in and I was lifted up and carried away by Pretty and GT was carted away by Prissy. And how the actual meatballs do you smell pretty? Like you can smell nice but he smelled pretty?

-You are an interesting human

Pretty told me as he was putting me down breaking my concentration and my train of thought that was starting to involve human experimentation. Shut up carrots are created to be orange maybe Pretty was created to be pretty...except he was 1000 years old dammit...there went that theory...

-I wonder if you share your talents with your sister? Either way you smell delicious you'll be mine.

He said stroking my cheek. Honestly I didn't know whether to blush or bite him so naturally I...

-Nope I'm about as boring as boring gets haha you should stop touching me now that's rude you know I gotta go ok bye~

...Ran my mouth and quickly hightailed it back to my place where I proceeded to shower and drink some motherfucking tea…I was so screwed…

 **A/N Thanks to those who reviewed and are following my story this is a quick short chapter but I hope you like it. Should I pair my OC with someone or should she fly solo? Should we save Godric?**


	8. Chapter 8

I sighed for what had to be the billionth time and proceeded to reevaluate my life choices some ? You may ask you silly mortal?

Because I was staying with Holy Adele and Sickeningly Sweet Sookie until that bastard Renaldo decided to bash GT's fangbanging head in. No not so I could watch you sicko! So I could stop his happy ass before he killed off Granny Dearest.

Now don't get me wrong I didn't care that much about these people I was just very Lannister about things like paying off my debts to the woman who kinda raised me not the incest ewewew (don't you even imagine that you perverts me a-and GT *blegh*)

So I was staying over until further notice….in the stupid house that I hated.

Stop me if you heard this before a Junkie, a Fngbanger and a Bible maniac are all sitting around me at breakfast and I had to not snap at them and leave to my glorious lair where I was alone and happy and _alone._

Grrr if only I'd paid attention to the fucking show I might know appriximately when Renoar will strike but unfortunately I was too busy watching GOT and Death Note….I'd totally hate to be in GOT though *shudder* no plumbing or internet….oh and the killing I guess…Ooops zoned out again...ahem ok

-..so nice of Alex to stay for a few days why I…

I missed nothing important then…good…and whoa my OG spilled fuck you too Jason and your clearly V addicted junkie ass…I'm going to have to triple my lock collection so he doesn't steal from me…wait….does he even know where I live? Prussia I hope not…still better be safe than sorry…

Blah blah blah and then everyone left leaving me and …it was near night time when Ronald attacked so bye bitch I need a Litch to level up.

 ***three cups of instant noodles and a bottle of guarana later***

Whew raiding that dungeon was hard,I took off my headphones to go make another cup of noodles (stop judging me they're affordable,easy to make and had gotten me through college) when I heard

- _going to kill that fangbanging whore_

Oh shit got real.

 **A/N Sorry for the delay I had a major case of writers house in GOT do you think Alex would be in?What do you think of me saving Adele (maybe)?**


	9. Chapter 9

Time to take care of buisness to defeat the Huns~ no Alex concentrate ok

I need to stop that douche before he goes apeshit,and I know what you're thinking:,,Alex just use your super awesome hax powers and freeze the motherfuckers head ."

.

I don't need the kind of exposure (lol) that would bring…if I had a perfect grasp of my power maybe I could freeze a shard of his blood and have that kill him (you can totally tell I haven't thought about murder a lot) but unfortunately trying to control that is like trying to water daisies with a fire hose.

So what are you going to do? Glad you asked.

I grabbed my trusty bat Bludgeon-chan that I always keep under my bed (I read Twilight because of a bet you think I'd risk creepy pervert stalkers ?) and headed downstairs (yes I carry B-chan with me on trips too).

I used my mad ninja skillz to sneak after a figure in the kitchen where Adele was and I battered up and swung.

With a thunk and a muffled

- _what the fu-?_

He fell to the floor like a corpse.

Adele was screaming.

I was sweating and my heart was racing.

B-chan was covered in blood.

I took a deep breath and kicked the knife from his hand with my bare knife skidded under the table and I bent down to check if he was dead (holding B-chan tightly ready to swing again in case he somehow horror movie-d and got up). My slightly shaking fingers found a pulse and I sighed.

-ADELE! Calm down and call the police il go find something to tye him down with

She was still hysterical but obliged and went to the phone.

I ran up to the room I was staying in and got a bunch of rope I had packed just for this back down I quickly roped him up in a cacoon and held B-chan at the ready just in case (cant be too careful with these kind of things)

The police arrived 15 minutes later to find me and my grandmother sitting around the table drinking some tea with a bloody bat next to me and a bundle of rope at my feet.

I know I always was great at first impressions.

 **A/N Liked it hated it? How will Sookie react what Game of thrones house should Alex be in? Will I ever write a long chapter? But in all honesty thank you to everyone who followed/faved and reviewed you guys make my day** **:)**


	10. Chapter 10

Sighing for what felt like the billionth time that day I sank into the comfort of my deliciously decadent jacuzzi and turned the jets on.

I reached for a wine glass filled with cranberry juice (I absolutely despise alcohol)and took a sip, as I lounged in the blue colored bubbles I thought back to what a shitty day it had been.

First I had to go to the police station and make a statement,then GT called raving about something,then they asked me some questions , then there was a accident and I had to give my statement _again_. Honestly what accident? Those incompetent idiots are just asking for a lawsuit (must resist urge to sue…)

So now after waiting in that hot hellhole of a police station (air conditioning motherfuckers, ever heard of it?) I was finally in the comfort of my lair~

…

No … it couldn't be…

I turned off my jets …

 _Wriggle…clinck…_

Satan's hairy ballsack someone was trying to break in!

Oh that bitch will rue the day they tried to fuck with me!RUE!

After the day I had have they no consideration!?

I slid out of my tub, grabbed my silky bath robe,sprinted for the bedroom and grabbed my pretty Smith and Weston (I had it engraved and everything)from under my pillow…god I loved being American **…*an eagle screeches in the distance***

…Yes I sleep with a gun under my pillow a bat under my bed and a knife in the drawer…it's not being paranoid it's being prepared!

I flip the safety off and beeline it to the door…pointing Smith (shut up I know….i can't always be original)at the approximate chest height for the average human (less chance it'll miss) I fling the door open…

…only to find Smiths barrel pointing at the idiotic blonde head of my dear recently released _brother_.

 **A/N There's been some confusion over Alex's parentage. Her dad convinced his wife that she was his brothers daughter and glamoured her into believing he had a brother;the first few months were spent with her real again to everyone who faved bookmarked and reviewed ^^**


	11. Chapter 11

I scowled harder as I wrung out the blood from my previously clean (and vanilla scented) ? Why must everything be going to hell in a hand basket?Why must Vampires pop like bloody balloons huh? Why can't they just dust like in Buffy?!Inconsiderate jack holes!

Ok…ok…I'll rewind a bit.

I was scolding Jerkson so long my hair dried and my hand hurt from holding Smith when someone appeared at my door.

We must have made quite an amusing picture me in a bathrobe standing like a boss ass bitch holding a fuck off gun pointed at my kneeling half brother who was getting scolded like a misbehaving puppy.

-..you ever think for a fucking second I won't fucking kill y…

A loud snort broke me out of my rant as I looked at a smirking figure of Pam standing in front of my door.

-You know I was going to tell you just how displeased you've been making Eric by ignoring his calls but this…this was worth it.

-That asshat shouldn't even have my number,and who calls people anyways? Everyone knows you text them.

I looked down at my retarded relative.

-Looks like you get to live after all be sure to thank your saviour

He looked ready to protest so I tapped him with Smith gently.

-T-thank you…

Pam smirked

-I'll come Pam.

I said in a resighned manner,she smirked

-I know you will

I was quick to set her straight (excuse the pun)

-It's not because I want to it's because his royal Asshole will bug me if I don't

She flashed her (sharp) teeth smugly

-Of course…

I realised I couldn't just walk out in a bathroabe ….not that that old ass pervert would mind

-Pam? I need to change

A squeaky voice interrupted me

-w-what about me?

Holy shit he was still here? I thought he would have scurried off like the cockroach he was.I lifted my gun.

-Oh my fucking god you're still here? Leave. Now.

He left so fast I swear he left skid marks on my floor

-Harsh

-Well we can't spoil him.

She nodded

-True.

I was still standing there awkwardly,clearing my throat I began

-So changing…

….

She didn't move a muscle

-Pam!

-Awh come on we can lord it over Eric I saw you naked and he didn't.

-…tempting but no

 **A/N Sorry I didn't update for such a long time and thanks to everyone reading this story,critisism is appreciated**


	12. Chapter 12

After Pam set me down (no I have no idea why we couldn't use a car like civilized people….maybe because one of us wasn't a people?)I huffed dusting down my Buffy hoodie (what? I had thought it deliciously ironic)

-So what does Pretty want?

-Do I look like his messenger? He'll tell you himself.

I nodded and went into the tacky club.

-You know you guys could pay a designer to make this place less…B grade horror movie set-ish…

I trailed off looking at the blubbering man at the a hand to my heart I said

-Is this a present?For me? How did you know I feast on the tears of the terrified….you could have picked someone prettier though-

-Alexandra as amusing as this is I have things to discuss with you.

-Pretty hey,discuss what?

-I heard about the little incident with that human Scum-

-Ah yes Renaldo ,no worries me and B-chan took care of it-

-And as delighted I am that you are so competent that brings me to the first thing I wanted to discuss with you,I want you to drink my blood.


End file.
